Yeah... it was a very nice year
2009 was a nightmare, 2010 was pretty much the loneliest year of my life, but 2011... what a great year...!
so many, but so many good things happened in my life!
, was probably the greatest of all things... I can feel there's a big comment coming...c:
Two years have passed since I changed schools. And as some of you might know, it wasn't the best of adventures. I was expecting to have a great time and meet cool people, but all I got was loneliness. People would only value my skills, never who I truly was. So basically, I was invisible.
I've always been secure of what I am, but last year, I began to doubt even what was certain. It's wrong to say that I don't care about what people think of me, because when you don't find anyone to share yourself with (you know, opinions, jokes, laughs..) you begin to feel that hard beat in your chest, that keeps saying "you don't belong here". Every time I tried to be myself, I got those terrible looks, telling me how strange and clumsy I was, how stupid and out-placed.
Since I had classes in the afternoon too, I used to lunch at school every thursday (no time to explain why now). I always lunched alone, so I used to sit down and start drawing while peacefully eating. One day, a six-year-old boy with a weird spanish accent came out of the blue and sat next to me. He watched me intensely for 10 minutes, and after that, he asked me if he could draw too. I gave him a pen and paper, and we spent the whole lunch time drawing together.
The next day, the boy came to me again, and asked once again if he could draw with me. Of course I let him, and soon I was incredibly surrounded by little kids, with big, curious eyes. One of them, a little girl called Marcela, got the courage and asked me "who are you?". I was surprised with such strong question, and just answered "well, I don't know, I'm just a student". She looked right into my eyes and said "WOW! you don't know who you are??" haha I just laughed. But the girl was right. Actually, she made me think a lot xD I didn't know who I was anymore. I just knew who I should be, "just a student", but not who I really was.
Those encounters with the kids kept on happening every thursday. The funny thing is that I'm sort of a shy, closed person. And so are the kids. Kids of 6, 7 years old are very closed within themselves, and are normally afraid of talking to the "older ones" of my age. But they strangely seemed to trust me, and to really like me more and more.
Soon, they would all come the whole way down the courtyard everyday, screaming my name, and when they finally found me, and persecuted me until I had no breath at all, they would say "let's take her down!!!" and yeah... They would jump all over me until I fell on the ground xD
We played every minute I could stay with them. We would roll on the ground, run, fall, pretend, tell stories... everything I used to love doing when I was younger. And I was doing it again. I was back to my golden days
But they were real pests some times, and no matter how much I hid myself or run, I just couldn't get rid of them!
But on the other hand, I was feeling lonely, stupid and clumsy by the time those kids first appeared in my life. I thought I wasn't worth a thing, and that I would never have a good relationship with people, because I'm too childish. But they showed me a new part of this story. They all admired me for who I truly am.
Marcela and the rest of the little girls used to tell me I was the most beautiful person they had ever met, and that they wanted to be just like me when they were grown!! can you believe it??(LOL it brings tears to my eyes just to think of that now
They all used to tell me they wanted to draw like me as well, and we would spend my whole lunch time drawing!
it was pretty much stressful, cause they would all keep on calling my name at the same time, all trying to show me something or tell me something. But it was worth it all!
Little Marcela, (the one who's on my head in the drawing), used to call me "big sister". She already had an older sister, in fact, but she used to tell me she was evil. She told me she wanted me to be her new sister! x3
Of course, it didn't take long until my other friends found out about my new little companions. They would all give me that "just what the heck are you doing??" look. But I didn't care anymore. I had found somewhere in that place where I could feel like I belonged again
(you might be reading and thinking I hit my head hard before writing this) but I do have a point. We never know where the love and acceptance will come from, thats why we must keep our hearts open
Well, all of that ended up where I never thought it would: people from all over the school got to know me, or hear about me. Every teacher was talking about me, and hearing things like "Look! that's the girl who does those drawings!!" became more and more common.
In the end, I was surrounded by friends. Even from my own class. I had regained confidence in who I truly am again, and from somewhere no one would have ever guessed: through the young hearts of children who never judged me
Having to say good bye was hard even for me in the end of this year, since it was my last year at school. Marcela and Melone hugged me and cried, and made me promise I would come back to visit her and the others. But unfortunately, I probably won't be able to do so :/ but I'll be forever grateful for what they did to me. I was lost, and they were the ones to show me the right way back. They were little angels heaven sent to me.
so anyways, here are the names of the kids in the pic, from left to right: Mariana (the one sitting), Melone (with the flower), Marcela (on my head), Patrick (looking at my drawings) and Nicole (next to Patrick)
sorry for the blabing AGAIN
, but I really needed to share this with you guys!
PS: There's still a second part of this story, but I'll stop here before this comment gets too long. It's just a special detail I would also like to share, but it will have to wait for my next drawing!